Tip
by SwirlyTwirlyDwirly
Summary: Implied 5/3. Sanzo's angry display manages to piss off a waitress at their inn resulting in a rather...unfortunate circumstance.


**Tip**

Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did, the kappa and priest would be humping like bunnies every night, which is sadly, not the case.

Inspiration: Well, not much to it, really. The 53 is obvious with how much Sanzo is annoyed with constant Gojyo's flirting with all the women in the series. I mean why does he care what the kappa does with someone else? Does he really have to make a scene and whip out the gun or the fan half the time? Jealously, people, jealously in its purest form.

Summary: Implied 5/3. Sanzo's angry display manages to piss off a waitress at their inn resulting in a rather...unfortunate circumstance.

&

"T-That _bastard_!"

A fuming Niho Nowaki slammed the door to the workers quarters open in rage, causing some of the plaster of paris supporting the roof to come crashing to the floor. A few people scrambled to get out of her way, knowing just how lethal the teenager could get when she was aggravated.

"How DARE he!" The blonde maid hissed, her hands clenched in fists at her sides. "How DARE he!" Dark, blue eyes glittered dangerously as they flashed around the threshold before finally settling on the person they had come to complain to.

A brunette woman with green eyes, sitting in the corner, raised an eyebrow in the direction of the uproar, having been the only one who hadn't run out, away from the blonde, in terror.

Her name was Suzuki Miyagi, _nineteen, _mind all you perverts, and she was on lunch break for the moment. Nothing like lunch break to enjoy a good smoke. Nowaki always complained that Miyagi was going to up and die from cancer or a nasty case of the flu one of these days, but then again Nowaki complained about _everything_. And now, with her best friend being all mopey, and aggravated like this, she had a sinking suspicision that her break would not be as enjoyable as she had originally hoped - at least for now.

"Sanzo priest my ass," Nowaki continued on, stalking towards said Miyagi in a huff, ignoring every other inhabitant, or lack there of, inhabitant, in the room for the moment, "He's the _lowest _of the low, that's what he is!"

Leaning backwards slightly, with the two front legs of the chair up and off the floor, and smoke wafting through the air, Miyagi plucked the stick from in between her lips, and exhaled deep, before placing it back between them, again, with a sigh. "What happened _this _time, Nowaki?"

Nowaki, _eighteen_ in three months to same perverts, glared at her friend, crossing her arms over her chest in frustration. "First of all, Miyagi, put the butt out! Haven't I told you already to quit that disgusting habit?!"

The brunette twisted her pinky around in her ear, not really caring for her comment. "Hey, don't blame me because you're ugly." Straight from brain to mouth - yes that was Suzuki Miyagi.

Nowaki stalked over to the woman and smacked the back of her head with as much strength as she could muster, causing the brunette to loose her balance and go crashing to the floor. "What the hell, Nowaki?!" Miyagi screamed.

"Pit the cig out!" Though it was more about cigarettes at this point.

"Urusai!"

"I'll give you, urusai!"

"Why you - "

(Ten Minutes Later)

"So..." Miyagi drawled after the fight concluded. It was odd that they had the type of relationship where she could call Nowaki a stuck up prude, and Nowaki could call her a clap-infected tramp, and they still ended up patching up one another's wounds after the battle came to a screeching halt.

"What pissed you off royally this time?" she pressed on, lighting up another smoke, much to the annoyance of the blonde, though she didn't push it. "Someone make a pass at you again?"

Nowaki averted her eyes, a nasty cut still oozing on her eyebrow. "No, nothing like that."

"Then what? I hit you pretty good by the way," Miyagi bragged, poking her in the chin where a nasty bruise was starting to form.

"Fuck you."

"If you'd like."

"..."

"Well?"

"It's just that...well...oh nevermind, it's embarassing anyway."

Miyagi could hear the frustration in her friend's voice as her shoulders shook. Gently she reached out and caressed the side of her face, and smiled down at her. She was at least a good two inches taller. "C'mon, baka, tell me what happened."

Nowaki bristled, and shoved her hand away with a look that promised death. Miyagi sighed around her smoke. "It was that traveling monk, and his party. You know, the Sanzo one everyone keeps talking about."

"Hmm."

"Anyways, I was waiting his table, and, well, afterwards...he didn't tip me. So when I called him out on it, the guy called me a brat and stormed off."

*Flashback*

_"Hey, miss, we're ready to order now!" A lively voice came from Table 20. Nowaki dusted off her apron and nodded to the young man animatedly waving her over from the wooden both accompanied by four chairs._

_"Yeah, coming right away!"_

_They were all handsome and seemed nice for the most part. They also ordered everything on the damned menu, which almost made Nowaki sick to her stomach. They must have been deprived of food for a least a year if they were hungry enough for 50 or so entrees. She jotted everything down and was just about to leave to give the chef their order when a tanned hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. A sly smirk curved onto a handsome face as devilish red eyes peered at her through a fringe of long red hair._

_"What's your name, cutie?"_

_"Er, Nowaki," said the waitress._

_"I'm Gojyo," he continued, tracing little circles over her wrist with his thumb, "What time do you get off work tonight?"_

_"Uh..."_

_"'Cause I don't mind waiting up - "_

_"**Goddammit**, Gojyo!" came a feral snarl and the redhead's neck snapped forwards as he was clipped in the back of the head by a large paper fan that had somehow materialized out of nowhere. _

_"What the hell, Sanzo?"_

_Nowaki's eyes landed on a handsome blonde sitting across the table from the redhead, his violet eyes burning with something familiar that Nowaki couldn't quite place at the moment. So blondie over there was Genjo Sanzo, huh?_

_"Can't you go one day without chasing after some tart?!" he snapped._

_"Don't blame your sexual frustrations on me!" Gojyo shot back, rubbing his abused head. _

_"Er..."_

_"Please ignore them, miss. They always behave like this," said their good-looking, green eyed friend._

_"Uh, right. I'll put your order in right away." And with that Nowaki took the opportunity to sneak away, only returning fifteen minutes later with their dishes, to clean the table, and to hand them the bill._

_Gojyo grabbed her wrist again when she took the gold card from Sanzo, smirking wickedly. "Ne, cutie, c'mon. When do you get off?"_

_The blonde stood up so abruptly that his chair fell over. He snatched the card back from Nowaki without so much as a backwards glance and said something about charging the meal to his room._

_"Hey!" Nowaki cried out, suddenly, a little aggravated that he hadn't left her anything - he had been the one paying the bill and all. "Aren't you forgetting something?"_

_The man snorted, not even bothering to turn around, and continued walking._

_"Hey, Sanzo, don't be an asshole!" called the young man with golden eyes who had summoned Nowaki over in the first place._

_"...damnit," she heard 'Sanzo' snarl under his breath. "Stupid brat."_

_"HEY!" __Gojyo, the golden-eyed boy, and their green-eyed friend all gave her embarassed, uneasy looks before the green-eyed man took a rumpled bill out of his pocket and thrust it into her hands._

_"Sorry about that, miss. He gets a little mopey when it rains."_

*Flashback End*

There was a moment of silence before Miyagi snickered loudly. Then, she couldn't help herself, she went into full-blown laughter.

"DON'T LAUGH AT ME!" Nowaki screamed, smacking the taller girl upside the head yet again. But the situation was just all too funny. How could she not have noticed what was really going on here? Was Nowaki really that dense?

Nowaki looked ready to smack her one, yet again, but Miyagi caught her wrist before her hand could collide with her tanned face. Couldn't have her messing it up even more for the gentlemen, mind you.

"Look, I wasn't laughing at _you_," Miyagi said, suddenly, still chuckling. "Don't you get it?"

Nowaki's eyes widened. "Get what?"

"Oh c'mon. Hot stuff hits on _you_ and blondie goes beserk? Then he doesn't tip you? Put two and two together, babe."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

'_Wow. She is SO stupid.'_

"Look, he's not getting away with treating you like that." Whoever this Sanzo was, he had gotten under Miyagi's skin as well. Calling her best friend a brat; not to mention not leaving her a tip? Who did he think he was? Fucking Buddah or something? Hell, even _Buddah _would have left his server a tip if he had gone out to dinner.

Oh, he was going to pay dearly for this.

"I still owe you from the time that pervert grabbed my ass," Miyagi continued.

"Wha - ?"

"We'll have to wait until later to work this out," Miyagi rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "I think if I plan this right I can get the spare keys to their rooms."

"Miyagi - "

"Trust me, alright? This is gonna be _awesome_!"

*Time Skip*

**-1 AM-**

"How the _hell _did you manage to get those keys?"

A smirk was once again on the brunette's face. Nowaki fought the urge to sweat drop when she took note of her teammate's clothing. Completely black? What, were they spying on them now? "Didn't I say to trust me?"

"...I'm not sure that I should," she replied warily, giving the clothes a disarming look.

"Shut up and go along with it. This is for _your _benefit, after all." Nowaki shrugged in defeat, and followed her down the hall, careful of where she stepped so that the floorboards wouldn't creak. It was for _her _benefit after all. "Ah. This must be the bastard's room," Miyagi murmured before sliding the key in, the door opening soundlessly.

"Wait here." She slunk inside, grabbing what was needed and nothing else. Used to cleaning up rooms without disturbing for a living, it didn't take Miyagi too long to get what she needed, and run back out.

"Damn, he's a heavy sleeper," she whispered to Nowaki, with raised eyebrows. "You sure he's a Sanzo priest?"

"Yeah. The Genjo Sanzo one," Nowaki whispered back.

"Well someone should tell him not to sleep so soundly unless he wants to get his nuts lopped off. And he should invest in some looser clothing, he looks like a girl."

Nowaki giggled.

"This is going to be perfect." Miyagi's eyes ghosted over Nowaki's face, concluding, before she nodded to herself. "Just perfect."

"Miyagi, what - ?"

The brunette shoved the bundle she had grabbed from the stoic monk's room in her face. "Throw those on and tie your hair back. Half up half down. Thank God it's not too long or this would never work. Meet me in my room in half an hour, alright?"

Then she turned and crept down the hall and towards another room.

"Where are you going?" Nowaki hissed, gazing at her retreating back with worry.

Miyagi grinned and flashed her thumbs up, before sliding the key in the lock. "Hottie central," before turning the knob and slipping inside.

_'Please, please be the right room.' _She wrinkled her nose as she crept to the bed to stare down at the sleeping form. Geez. For a group of traveling guys on the run from demons these four were dead end sleepers. Or maybe it was because she was just _that_ good. Hell, she should invest in a career change. She'd make a damned good assassin.

The man turned over, red hair staining the pillow as the moonlight reflected in the room. Jackpot.

_'Sweet Goddess of Mercy, I can see why he wants to tap that.'_

Now Miyagi had never meet Sha Gojyo before, but if she knew him personally she would have been thanking Buddah on bended knee that he had decided to stay in for the night instead of playing women like usual.

Wait a minute, were those...antenne? WTF? Hmm. Well it _was_ doable. She would just need a lot of hairspray.

_Oh goody_, she thought, rubbing her hands together, as she snuck back out of the room. She and Nowaki were both going to _enjoy _this.

&

"What in the hell did you do to your hair?!" Nowaki blanched when she came into her friend's room at the designated time, the monks robes pooling around her lanky form like a dress.

"Monk boy's eye-candy has weird ass hair? Not my fault."

"You look retarded."

"And you look like an asshole. Now shut up and come here."

Nowaki hesitated.

Miyagi put her hand on her hip. "I'm not going to hurt, you, Nowaki, just come here."

The blonde started forward, a confused look on her pale face. Miyagi's trademark smirk came into place as she grasped the blonde by the shoulders, tossing her flush onto the bed in an instant. In the dark light, with the robes piling around her, she looked an awful lot like the bastard.

"Miyagi!"

The brunette shook her head as she climbed over Nowaki's form, and nestled a knee in between the blonde's thighs, locking eyes with her own. "Shh."

"Miyagi, what the hell are you - ?"

Miyagi shook her head again, the fake antenne bobbing side to side with each movement, making her look slightly appealing though the blonde would never tell her that.

"You're going to have to lean sideways a bit and tilt your head."

"This is - " Miyagi sighed, reaching down to the floor to reach for something. The blonde swallowed hard, but her entire body relaxed visibly when the brunette produced a small camera. Wait...was this all...?

"Oh." Well, now she just felt stupid. "Oh."

It was the blonde's turn to smirk. She reached up and grasped long brown hair, yanking Miyagi down and close to her face, so close that she could smell the cigarettes on her breath. Her lips gently ghosted over hers, eyes glazing when she realized the purpose of this little 'stunt'. It all made perfect sense now.

Miyagi was so _bad_.

"Tell me what to do, oh wise one."

"Good thing this ain't new to us, eh?"

"Oh, _yeah_..."

"Heh, you like that?"

"Yeah, right _there_..."

The camera began clicking on and off in a frenzy, the flash briefly lighting up the darkened room with each picture that was taken.

Who would have known studying photography would ever come in so handy?

&

The next day...

&

"Oh my god!" Goku hollered, spitting out his meat bun in complete and utter horror. Hakkai stood next to him, hand covering his mouth in shock, eyes almost as wide as Goku's.

Well, they had never known. Well, hmm, _this _was a shocker.

"Stop using my empty beers as ash trays!"

"Stop being a goddamn, stubborn prick - "

"Shhh!" someone hissed, breaking up their argument. Sanzo and Gojyo both shot the old man a dirty, mind your own business, look, before continuing their fight down the stairs.

When Sanzo and Gojyo were met with more gaping stares and snickers from their fellow guests, and some of the servants, than usual, they began to feel uneasy. Not that they'd ever admit to it or anything. Maybe they had all heard about Sanzo's bitch-fit last night. He covered his face with his hand and groaned. Hopefully he wouldn't run into that bitch Gojyo had practically salivated over. He'd end up murdering her.

Approaching their two companions, Goku choked and turned red, turning away from them as fast as he could. Even Hakkai was avoiding their eyes. Sanzo, of course, was starting to get pissed. "What the hell is going on?!" he snapped, glaring down at Hakkai as though he could will the man to spontaneously combust with his eyes alone.

Hakkai stammered. "W-Well, you two, it's just that you could have at least told _us _- "

"Told you _what_?" Sanzo asked in a deadly whisper. Goku made a face, standing up and pointing towards Gojyo in disgust.

"Yeah, Sanzo, why didn't you tell me? I thought we were friends!"

"_What_," Sanzo snarled, patience wearing thin, "Are you _talking _about?"

"I mean, I don't care about _that _and all," Goku continued, "But of all the people in the world for you to choose, it had to be _him_? C'mon, Sanzo, you can do better than _him_! He's a pervert!"

Sanzo felt the blood drain from his face. How in the seven hell's did Goku find out about his obsession with the kappa...?

"Oi, monkey!" Gojyo snapped at the monkey's comment, causing everyone to - thankfully - ignore Sanzo's stunned expression - by reaching out to grab Goku's hair. "Who are you calling a pervert?!"

"YOU!" Goku shouted back, pointing behind the two of them. "I didn't even know you liked guys!"

"WHA?!" Gojyo cried. "Who said I liked guys?"

"You dont have to 'say' _anything_. See for yourself, you damn, perverted kappa!"

Both Sanzo and Gojyo turned to see what was so _appalling_, and _froze _at the sight now in front of them. They hadn't been able to see them from the stairs, but now there they were, winking them right in the face. Pictures. Lining the wall. Of two people. Making out. And those two people looked...

...an awful lot like Sanzo and Gojyo.

Both men fell backwards, eyes bulging, choking out incomprehensible words. Needless to say, they were doomed to much teasing from various anti-heroes, antagonists, and even their own teammates, for years to come.

"Yare, yare, is that a _tongue_?"

"I think it is."

"Well, at least now we know the reason for all the fighting, Goku."

"I knew it was some kind of twisted foreplay."

"Kinky, ain't it?"

"WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT WORD?!"

"Hey, Sanzo! Guess you can't tell Gojyo and I to get a room anymore!"

"Oh? And why is that?" Hakkai inquired.

"'Cause he and Gojyo will already be in one!"

"DO YOU WANNA DIE?!"

"Oh no! Yare yare, Gojyo - you better calm your sweetie pie down!"

"You stupid, little - that's not - "

"That's not, what, you perverted water sprite? Not Sanzo's hand down your pants?"

"Yare yare..."

And the moral of the story? Don't forget to tip your servers, ladies and gentlemen.

THE END! :D


End file.
